PI Day
by Jelsemium
Summary: March 14 AKA 3.14 is National PI Day. Naturally enough, Charlie likes to make pie on 3.14. The results are, well, not univerally popular. Originally created for the Pie challenge at Numb3rs100 at LiveJournal and the PI Day challenge at Numb3rs dot Org.
1. Alan & Millie

Title: PI Day, Part 1 of 5

Past Prompt: 83 - Pie

Rating: K

Word Count: 300

Characters: Alan/Millie

Warnings: None

Feedback: Feeds the ego

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. No profit is being made.

* * *

"Beware the Ides of March," Alan Eppes sighed. He and Millie were having breakfast at CalSci because she had an early meeting.

"What's wrong with March 15?" Dr. Millie "Don't Call Me Mildred" Finch asked. "It's not like it's the day your income taxes are due."

Alan sighed. "Which reminds me, I have to make an appointment with my accountant."

"Why? I could do your taxes with my eyes closed."

Alan grinned. "I prefer to separate business from pleasure," he said. "Besides, Stan 's my partner and he already knows what kind of deductions we can use. Not to mention, my paperwork is already in his office."

Millie nodded. "Well, just so you know that the offer is on the table."

"Thanks."

"But that still doesn't explain your aversion to March 15th."

"Well, actually, it's March 14th that is the problem," Alan confessed. "It being the one day of the year when Charlie insists on cooking."

Millie's brow creased in a frown. "Why? Because it's National PI Day?"

"Exactly."

"Oh, and he fixes pies?"

"More or less… mostly more."

Millie blinked as she ran that one through her head. "More? As in… overcooks?" she ventured.

"Right in one," Alan said. 

"Well, I am very bright, even if I'm not quite in Charlie's league," Millie said modestly.

Alan studied her face. "Well, if you're a genius, can you think of a way to get me out of Charlie's dinner without hurting his feelings?" he asked. "I hate to discourage him from learning to cook, but I really can't face another rubber chicken pot pie or runny quiche."

"How about I invite you to the Pie'n'Burger to celebrate PI Day?" Millie suggested. "We can bring Charlie a lemon meringue for dessert."

"I could kiss you," Alan said.

"What's stopping you?" Millie demanded.


	2. Don & Robin

Title: PI Day, Part 2 of 5

Past Prompt: 83 - Pie

Rating: K

Word Count: 300

Characters: Don/Robin

Warnings: None

Feedback: Feeds the ego

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. No profit is being made.

* * *

"Beware the Ides of March," Don Eppes muttered darkly as he held the door to the corner bistro for AUSA Brooks.

"Isn't it a little early for the Ides?" Robin asked.

Don shook his head, then reconsidered. "I guess they're actually on the fifteenth," he conceded. "However, beware the day before the Ides doesn't have the same ring to it."

"What's wrong with the day before the 15th?"

"It's the 14th," was Don's unhelpful answer. He held Robin's chair for her, then sat down himself to peruse the lunch menu.

Robin arched an eyebrow.

"March 14th," Don elaborated.

Robin's other eyebrow arched.

"It's national PI Day," Don explained. "You're supposed to eat pie today."

Robin was enlightened. "Oh, 3.14, I get it!" She glanced at her watch. "It's 1:15 now, so we might be able to get to our pie at 1:59!"

Don resisted the urge to pound his head on the table. "Et tu, Robin?"

Robin laughed. A sound that made Don wish they weren't in a public place.

"Any excuse to eat pie is a good one," she told him.

Don tried to look tragic, but that only provoked more laughing. "Well, it's easy for you to say that, because you never had to sit through Charlie's pie making."

"He bakes?"

"He thinks he can," Don said. "And not just fruit pies or chocolate cream pies. For PI Day, he's made … attempted to make… chicken pot pie, turkey pot pie, quiche, shepherd's pie…"

"Yum!"

"Steak and kidney pie," Don went on relentlessly.

"Ew!"

"And tonight he wants me to bring you over so he can inflict yet another pie on you."

Robin patted his arm. "Let's have a big lunch, then we'll have an excuse to eat lightly at dinner."

"I could kiss you."

"What's stopping you?"


	3. Larry & Megan

Title: PI Day, Part 3 of 5

Past Prompt: 83 - Pie

Rating: K

Word Count: 300

Characters: Larry/Megan

Warnings: None

Feedback: Feeds the ego

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. No profit is being made.

* * *

"Beware the Ides of March," Professor Larry Fleinhardt informed Special Agent Megan Reeves when she stopped by his office.

"Any particular reason or you just in a Shakespearian mood?"

Larry laughed. "Actually, it's today that those of us who call Charles Eppes need to beware of." He sighed theatrically. "And I must confess, that a good portion of the blame lies on my doorstep."

Megan was intrigued. "Why? What did you do?"

"I made the mistake of introducing Charles to the idea of PI Day."

Megan blinked. "Pi as in the ratio of circle's circumference to its diameter, or pie as in a pastry?"

"Both," Larry grinned. "Now, can you tell me why today is PI day?"

Megan tilted her head, added up the various components of their conversation and came up with… "Because today's date is 3/14?"

"Exactly!"

"And Charlie… what? Insists that everybody eats pie?"

"Charles attempts to bake pies," Larry said sadly.

"I'd think that he'd be good at following' a recipe," Megan said.

"He is. The difficulty comes in remembering to take the pie out of the oven, or the ingredients off the stove, or…"

Megan held her hands up. "Say no more, I know that Charlie is easily distracted." She remembered the tragic fate of a particular bowl of popcorn. "Especially since Charlie seems to have it in for food."

"We are invited to his place for dinner tonight," Larry said.

"I'm sure his cooking can't be worse than mine," Megan said.

"Having eaten both, I beg to differ," Larry said. "You are an excellent cook, my dear."

Megan found herself blushing.

"Thank you," she said. "However, I am willing to brave whatever form of overcooked pie that Charlie puts before me."

"I could kiss you," Larry said.

Megan leaned towards him. "What's stopping you?"


	4. Charlie & Amita

Title: PI Day, Part 4 of 5

Past Prompt: 83 - Pie

Rating: K

Word Count: 300

Characters: Charlie/Amita

Warnings: None

Feedback: Feeds the ego

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. No profit is being made.

* * *

"Beware the Ides of March," Professor Charlie Eppes sighed. 

"Why? What's happening tomorrow?" Dr. Amita Ramanujan asked.

"Probably leftovers," Charlie sighed. "Assuming I don't just throw out the food." He frowned at his cookbook unhappily. 

"What are you talking about?" Amita prodded.

"Every year on March 14, I make a special meal for PI Day…" he frowned at her. "Didn't I invite you last year?"

"Oh, yes," Amita said. "I didn't realize that it was a yearly event."

Charlie blinked. "Oh, I guess I didn't invite you the year before. Just as well, that turkey pot pie was…inedible. And that's being charitable."

"The Quiche Lorraine was fine!" Amita protested.

"Thanks," Charlie said. ""But I think that I should just throw in the towel. I expect that nobody would be disappointed if I skipped PI Day this year… and every subsequent year."

"Would you be disappointed?" Amita asked.

Charlie just sighed.

"Then don't skip it."

Charlie gave her a crooked smile. "Thanks, but I'm out of PI ideas. Unless it's to get pie-eyed." He sighed. "Not to mention that I always seem to ruin my savory pies." He made a face. "I just can't get the crust right."

Amita rubbed her lower lip. "Maybe something without a crust?" she mused. "Let me look online."

Charlie frowned. "Doesn't it have to have a crust to be a pie?"

"Maybe," Amita said. She was already bringing up Food TV dot com on her laptop. "We'll see if Food Network has any ideas."

After several rejected ideas, Amita grinned triumphantly. "THERE! Your crustless pie!"

"Is that pronounced PI or PA?" Charlie asked uncertainly.

"Who do you think is going to quibble?" Amita asked.

Charlie blinked a few times as he thought that over. "I could kiss you," he said.

"What's stopping you?" Amita smirked.


	5. Pi Day!

Title: PI Day, Part 5 of 5

Past Prompt: 83 - Pie

Rating: K

Word Count: 200

Characters: Don, Robin, Charlie, Amita, Alan, Millie, Larry and Megan.

Warnings: None

Feedback: Feeds the ego

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. No profit is being made.

Author's Note: This being Part 5 of 5, it should be the end of the story. It's not. Blame it on Suisan! She wanted to know what David and Colby were up to! ;-)

* * *

That night, Don and Robin showed up with a lemon meringue pie. 

"You came!" Charlie said, beaming.

"I wouldn't miss it, Buddy," Don said with a grin. "Soggy pie crust and all."

"No soggy crust this time," Charlie promised. "Thanks for the pie!"

Megan and Larry showed up next, bearing a vanilla cream pie from Pie'n'Burger.

"Happy Einstein's Birthday!" Larry said.

Megan chortled.

"Thanks!" Charlie said happily.

"We'll bring back strawberry pie," Alan promised.

"You're not staying for dinner?" Don asked.

Alan shook his head. "No,we are going to Pie'n'Burger for dinner."

"We'll have to do that next PI Day," Charlie said. "This year, though…" He lead the way to kitchen.

The others, including Alan and Millie, followed him curiously.

Charlie lifted the lid from the steaming pot with a flourish revealing rice, chicken, mussels. "Tonight we have… paella!" 

His guests gathered around him, oohing over the Spanish dish and asking questions about the recipe.

"PI-ae-uh?" Don muttered to Alan. "Shouldn't that be "PA-ae-uh?"

"Do you want soggy crust or fish, chicken and rice?" Alan asked.

"Good point" Don said hastily. "Let's eat!"

"Save some leftovers!" Alan called as he and Millie left.

"Happy PI day!" Charlie said, beaming.


	6. Colby & David

Title: PI Day, Part 6 of 5

Past Prompt: 83 - Pie

Rating: K

Word Count: 300

Characters: Colby & David

Warnings: None, unless you're expecting slash. Then, you have my apologies for any misconceptions.

Feedback: Feeds the ego

Disclaimer: Characters are not mine. No profit is being made.

Author's Note: I thought I was done with Part 5, then Suisan had to go and feed me Plot Bunny Pie. So… it's all Suisan's fault!

* * *

It had been a rough day. They'd chased down leads all morning and chased down suspects all afternoon.

Special Agent Colby Granger was ready to put up his feet and relax with a beer and some hot food. The trouble was, he had nothing edible in his apartment.

Usually this meant a trip to the store or a fast food joint or even a restaurant. 

Tonight, however, he had an invitation to a nice place that served nice food.

"You coming to Charlie's Nerd Party?" he asked Special Agent David Sinclair.

David looked up from his monitor. "What? Don't you remember how bad the food was last PI Day?" he asked. "No, if I'm going to eat soggy pot pies, I'm going to eat it at home."

"Spoilsport. Just because Claudia's in Florida working on that serial killer case doesn't mean you have to sulk all the time!"

"Yes. It. Does."

"Well, why don't you move down to Miami and work on the case with her?"

"Do you have any idea how hot the competition is for slots in Miami?" David asked. "Not even Charlie could find a formula that will get me in there."

Colby tried again. "Cheer up, I have a sure-fire way to improve the taste of Charlie's cooking."

David raised an eyebrow. "What? You're going to send him to The California School of Culinary Arts?"

Colby shook his head. "It's almost St. Patrick's Day," he reminded his partner.

"So?"

"So, I thought I'd liven up Charlie's PI Day celebration with some Guinness Stout." He paused. "Four six-packs should smooth out any rough edges on his cooking. Especially if you bring an equal amount of Bass Ale to go with it."

David looked at Colby with undisguised admiration. "Man, I could…"

Colby recoiled. "_Don't. Even. Think. It_!"


End file.
